That time I punched my brother in the face

We had this psychopath bus driver who must’ve enjoyed the sound of children fighting and crying rather than laughing and singing and having fun. The rule was you had to sit with your sibling rather than your friends.

I had this major crush on my co-bus patroller and he sat with his sister and I with my brother. One day out of the blue my brother says “Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!” And lifts my shirt and shows the love of my life my little pointy bee sting new boobs.

So, naturally, I punched him in the nose and made him bleed.

The lessons I learned that day were:

Boys in grade seven get a bad rep because this boy kindly lied and told me he wasn’t even looking (even though I knew he was – and did).

Little brothers are the worst.

Even though he did a horrible, epic-ly embarrassing thing I still felt terrible that I made him bleed.

That became the bench mark for embarrassing things so from then on all embarrassing things are measured based on surviving that event and none have yet to top it so I no longer get embarrassed easily.


Ok… Wait

I am starting to get some feedback on this blog and so far it’s pretty positive. If you are enjoying it – thank you. It’s been a lot of fun. My husband is now my official proofreader and he even said to me last night “this is good writing”. What!?! This guy barely talks. That’s like the pope calling you at home and saying “Hey, how’s it going? Listen, I’m not supposed to say anything but you’re totally getting into heaven. No, I’m not kidding,”

Thing is though I have no idea what I’m doing and I thought I hated writing. Seriously, I don’t even like making grocery lists. I used to pretend to have scurvy to get out of writing assignments in school.

Once when I was a kid I wanted to stay home from school and so I thought I’d pull the whole fake fever scam. I got out the thermometer and placed it directly on the lightbulb. Yup, right on there. I left it for, oh I don’t know, let’s say several minutes and then called my mom and jammed that sucker right in my mouth. Three things happened immediately 1) I burned my mouth 2) the glass broke and the mercury poured into my mouth and 3) I panicked and jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom and jumped in the shower. I thought I was going to be in so much trouble for breaking the thermometer and my 11 year old mind thought if you want to play it cool just take a random shower. So of course my mom was like “Why are you showering – I thought you had scurvy?” I broke down and told her the whole thing. I don’t remember the fall out other than having to replace the thermometer so I must not have swallowed the mercury and died. Isn’t that stuff really bad for you?

So I’m worried, what if I run out of ideas? Suppose in a few weeks I’ll have used up all my creative ideas and I’ll just be this empty shell who can’t think of anything to say. Or that mercury poisoning gets around to finally killing me? So stay tuned people because these ideas could dry up or I could literally die at any moment.